Sunday, October 12, 2008

Update in More Detail

This past year has been probably among the worst of my life. November 20th, 2007, my mother passed away unexpectedly.

She had been diabetic for years but was actually doing well during those last months... well at least as far as we knew. She was apparently bleeding internally and the hospital up here in the mountains wanted to do a GI. They kept her overnight, and I went back to the hospital the next day and almost immediately upon my arrival things began happening. I noticed she was coughing up blood. I called the nurse then went to the station to have someone go check her. They cleaned her up, got her comfortable and as soon as she was settled she just turned her head, closed her eyes and stopped breathing. They resuscitated her and put her on oxygen and they began making arrangements to send her down the mountain to another hospital. Several hours went by until finally they found a bed and got a helicopter for her. It took me and my husband over an hour to get to the hospital and by the time we got there they were resuscitating her again and kept at it until it was time to let her go.

Her passing was a shock for the entire family and I feel like I've been in a daze ever since. She was kind, compassionate, selfless and always put others before herself. I was her 'caretaker' and as such we were constant companions. My life changed drastically that day in November and will never be the same again. So many things remind me of her. When I experience things I know she enjoyed, I think about her. When I experience new things I know she would enjoy, I think about her. Whatever I go through, whether it be sorrow or joy, I think about her.

Yesterday was her birthday.

I thought I would spend the day, as usual, remembering and crying. I did that, but I also finally smiled at memories as well. I found myself doing that occasionally in these last few months. Something would occur that she would have gotten a kick out of, or I would think about something she would do or say and I would smile as I told my husband.

I don't know if I'll ever stop crying and feeling as though my heart is breaking whenever I think about her. I do know that I can also smile and remember her without sorrow as well.

A month before she passed, the three of us (me, her and my husband) went to the Step Out to Fight Diabetes walk in Riverside, CA. I walked while they waited, though my mother had actually wanted to walk - which probably would have worsened whatever condition she had that she was keeping from me. This year I plan to walk again.

If anyone would like to join the team or sponsor me please go to my webpage for the walk at:

<link>main.diabetes.org/goto/t_dewitt</link>

If you want to join the team, please join soon so you'll receive your packet (by snail mail) in time for the walk.

October 18
Riverside, CA

I don't know if she passed because of diabetes complications. The coroner made no such connection, but I do know she suffered from the disease and every day she had to endure shots and dietary restrictions and countless other problems due to this illness. I'm hoping that someday we can find a cure or better treatment so that others don't have to endure what my mother and countless others have to endure.

Birthday

Today would have been my mother's birthday. It doesn't seem at all like it's been almost a year since she passed away. I know I've written several times about her in the past year, and there's not really anything new to add to what has already been said, but I needed to post. I needed to say - "this day my mother would have been 73 years old".

I wish I had some sort of larger than life way to celebrate her life. I had planned on just spending the day in reflection though that's how I've spent every day since the last day I was with her.... Well, let me amend that - I've spent every day since that day in reflection and tears.

I know that life goes on and though I want to write in more detail about how I really feel I know that I've said it all before. Instead of reflecting upon her loss I want to honor her. I hope to spend today doing things that would have made her happy. I'll face the memories, hopefully this time it will be without the tears.

JoAnn6 scan0008 scan0006aa 100_0101

 

My Step Out to Fight Diabetes Page - http://main.diabetes.org/goto/t_dewitt