Testing Windows Live Writer

In the past I haven’t been able to get Windows Live Writer to work on this site so I’m trying it again since I was able to update a different blog with this program. Maybe it’ll help me update this blog more frequently and I can finally accomplish the goals I set for myself when I created this blog!

Birthday 10/11/12

http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=23045688

Yesterday would have been your 77th birthday. You've been gone for almost 5 years and I miss you as much today as I did when you first left this world. I feel you here with us and wish more than anything that I could reach out and hold you. I miss you, I love you.

http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=fls&FLid=56918341

For my Mother

As I do everyday, I'm thinking of you, but especially today when you would have been 75. I love you, I miss you, you will always be in my heart. http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=23045688

Diabetes

This is my 3rd year working with Step Out to Fight Diabetes. I hope that by starting earlier this year I can actually (hopefully) meet the donation goals for myself and the Caduceus Club team.

If you'd like to sponsor/donate or Join the team and walk with us go to my Step Out page:

Step Out: Walk to Fight Diabetes:

• October 17, 2009
• White Park - Riverside, CA

November 20

A year ago tonight my mother passed away.

I had planned on spending today doing things my mother would have enjoyed. Instead, I had to go to a job interview (a 2nd interview and I still need to go to a 3rd interview but it probably won't be till December); I then spent the rest of the day at home feeling miserable because both Eb and I are sick (he's got bronchitis, I don't think I'm that bad yet... but bad enough to feel like crap).

During the days and weeks leading up to this day I've been thinking about the things my mother enjoyed. I had always known that we shared many of the same interests but I found myself wondering if she came to enjoy things I liked or if I liked things that she already enjoyed. I know I picked up some things from my mother but some of the things she enjoyed were things in her life before I was born.

One of my greatest pleasures in life has always been books.. in fact it was my love for Anne McCaffrey's Dragonrider of Pern series that led me to Telgar Weyr 12th Pass - and to Eb who would become my husband. I'll never forget being able to tell Anne McCaffrey about that in person, and her reaction was priceless.

Anyway, books have played a major role in my life. My mother's love of books was borderline obsessive! She collected every type of book imagineable, from out of print to modern children's books of every genre. I can remember school books from the 1930s, medical encyclopedias from the 1950s and delving through every single one of them right along with her.

I meant to write this earlier but I kept putting it off - thinking I would probably cry while writing this but instead I ended up laughing at these memories and others. There's more I want to write and over the next few days I'm going to write more. There are memories of my mother that I don't want to lose. I NEED to write them down so they won't be forgotten.

Update in More Detail

This past year has been probably among the worst of my life. November 20th, 2007, my mother passed away unexpectedly.

She had been diabetic for years but was actually doing well during those last months... well at least as far as we knew. She was apparently bleeding internally and the hospital up here in the mountains wanted to do a GI. They kept her overnight, and I went back to the hospital the next day and almost immediately upon my arrival things began happening. I noticed she was coughing up blood. I called the nurse then went to the station to have someone go check her. They cleaned her up, got her comfortable and as soon as she was settled she just turned her head, closed her eyes and stopped breathing. They resuscitated her and put her on oxygen and they began making arrangements to send her down the mountain to another hospital. Several hours went by until finally they found a bed and got a helicopter for her. It took me and my husband over an hour to get to the hospital and by the time we got there they were resuscitating her again and kept at it until it was time to let her go.

Her passing was a shock for the entire family and I feel like I've been in a daze ever since. She was kind, compassionate, selfless and always put others before herself. I was her 'caretaker' and as such we were constant companions. My life changed drastically that day in November and will never be the same again. So many things remind me of her. When I experience things I know she enjoyed, I think about her. When I experience new things I know she would enjoy, I think about her. Whatever I go through, whether it be sorrow or joy, I think about her.

Yesterday was her birthday.

I thought I would spend the day, as usual, remembering and crying. I did that, but I also finally smiled at memories as well. I found myself doing that occasionally in these last few months. Something would occur that she would have gotten a kick out of, or I would think about something she would do or say and I would smile as I told my husband.

I don't know if I'll ever stop crying and feeling as though my heart is breaking whenever I think about her. I do know that I can also smile and remember her without sorrow as well.

A month before she passed, the three of us (me, her and my husband) went to the Step Out to Fight Diabetes walk in Riverside, CA. I walked while they waited, though my mother had actually wanted to walk - which probably would have worsened whatever condition she had that she was keeping from me. This year I plan to walk again.

If anyone would like to join the team or sponsor me please go to my webpage for the walk at:

<link>main.diabetes.org/goto/t_dewitt</link>

If you want to join the team, please join soon so you'll receive your packet (by snail mail) in time for the walk.

October 18
Riverside, CA

I don't know if she passed because of diabetes complications. The coroner made no such connection, but I do know she suffered from the disease and every day she had to endure shots and dietary restrictions and countless other problems due to this illness. I'm hoping that someday we can find a cure or better treatment so that others don't have to endure what my mother and countless others have to endure.

Birthday

Today would have been my mother's birthday. It doesn't seem at all like it's been almost a year since she passed away. I know I've written several times about her in the past year, and there's not really anything new to add to what has already been said, but I needed to post. I needed to say - "this day my mother would have been 73 years old".

I wish I had some sort of larger than life way to celebrate her life. I had planned on just spending the day in reflection though that's how I've spent every day since the last day I was with her.... Well, let me amend that - I've spent every day since that day in reflection and tears.

I know that life goes on and though I want to write in more detail about how I really feel I know that I've said it all before. Instead of reflecting upon her loss I want to honor her. I hope to spend today doing things that would have made her happy. I'll face the memories, hopefully this time it will be without the tears.

 

 

My Step Out to Fight Diabetes Page - http://main.diabetes.org/goto/t_dewitt